security and fear
joy and sorrow
passion and apprehension
When I walk in the door
greeted by your dog’s happy dance
my heart takes flight.
Some days I put off
in fear that he won’t be there.
I fight illogical uncertainties.
Horrible dreams of losing
something that I never expected to have.
The reality driving my fear and confusion is beautiful
and makes the concept of home feel achievable;
no longer an ethereal unearthly ideal.
comfort and heartache
shelter and exposure
refuge and prison
So is this what I expected of love?
And for that I am so grateful!
My expectations were so limited
I was blind to the wonderful possibilities
Love has shown me.
Now I am able to see the perfection
in the joining of imperfect lives.
We are social creatures.
Community is a fancy word for pack.
Released into the wild
we find a way to come together.
We need to come together.
Alone we fade away.
I am so glad to no longer be alone.
companionship and solitude
serenity and distraction
tranquility and panic
I love to care for you.
I hope for your need.
I hope to be needed as I need you.
My voice freezes in my throat.
I have rehearsed the conversation
over and over.
You are not a mind reader.
I know I need to give voice to my needs.
I am so unused to seeing them filled.
I want so much more than to be needed.
I know that I am wanted,
but I need to feel wanted.
I fear that I need too much.
I know that I am desired,
but I need to feel desired.
desire and rejection
fulfillment and frustration
satisfaction and disenchantment
peace and chaos
laughter and tears
February 13, 2012