For My Valentine

Poetry or prose?
How best to convey
what I need to say?

security and fear
joy and sorrow
passion and apprehension

When I walk in the door
greeted by your dog’s happy dance
my heart takes flight.

Some days I put off
coming home
in fear that he won’t be there.

I fight illogical uncertainties.
Horrible dreams of losing
something that I never expected to have.

The reality driving my fear and confusion is beautiful
and makes the concept of home feel achievable;
no longer an ethereal unearthly ideal.

comfort and heartache
shelter and exposure
refuge and prison

So is this what I expected of love?
Absolutely not.
And for that I am so grateful!

My expectations were so limited
I was blind to the wonderful possibilities
Love has shown me.

Now I am able to see the perfection
in the joining of imperfect lives.
We are social creatures.

Community is a fancy word for pack.
Released into the wild
we find a way to come together.

We need to come together.
Alone we fade away.
I am so glad to no longer be alone.

companionship and solitude
serenity and distraction
tranquility and panic

I love to care for you.
I hope for your need.
I hope to be needed as I need you.

My voice freezes in my throat.
I have rehearsed the conversation
over and over.

You are not a mind reader.
I know I need to give voice to my needs.
I am so unused to seeing them filled.

I want so much more than to be needed.
I know that I am wanted,
but I need to feel wanted.

I fear that I need too much.
I know that I am desired,
but I need to feel desired.

desire and rejection
fulfillment and frustration
satisfaction and disenchantment

peace and chaos
laughter and tears
LOVE…

Jay Luptak
Whitehall, MI
February 13, 2012